Think of this as Volume 14, Number 12 of A-Clue.com, the online newsletter I've written since 1997. Enjoy.
Regular readers here will know I turned 55 in January.
55 is an interesting age. Every day brings new reminders of mortality and infirmity. You can push the former into the background. You can't do that with the latter.
It's both physical and mental. Last week I got a pain in my knee from sleeping wrong. This morning I mis-wrote a headline on a story I really wanted to be popular.
But there are compensations. There are always compensations. Jenni and I have learned to forgive ourselves, and one another. We may fight but we know it's of the moment. We are more physically comfortable than ever. We know more, about what we like and don't like, about ourselves and one another.
It's something like wisdom. But not quite. I have come to believe we can never see wisdom in ourselves, only in others. Wisdom is a face on a postage stamp. It can never be your face, by definition.
But I want to talk about another benefit of being 55. That's knowing how it all turned out. And seeing the wisdom in others' lives.
We all make decisions as young people, filled with unintended consequences. But there is one larger decision we make, one that has far more importance than the decisions we think are so very, very important.
That's a choice about values. Specifically the value of hard work.
Not the monetary value. The personal value of engaging intently in work, of being present in what you do, seeing it as an end in itself, not just a means.
Let me explain with two stories from my recent trip to Texas.
The Hippie
Joe Bentley was a hippie. In some ways he still is.
By that I mean his values lie around the year 1969. Money is not what motivates him. Pleasure does. Not the way you're thinking of it. Joe likes to see meaning in every moment, to take its full measure.
So even when he lived just like a hippie, he always worked hard, and worked well.
Back then, he was a bike mechanic. He was a good bike mechanic, but not a great businessman. He lacked both the organizational skills and the ambition to be really great at business.
But he did great things. He ran bike races, the kind which created the subculture resulting in Lance Armstrong. He helped with recreational rides, like the Houston Moonlight Bicycle Ramble, which is still held every fall. And when he found someone he loved, he helped raise her daughter. He strapped blocks to bike pedals so the little girl could join them on a triplet, a bicycle built for three.
That little girl is 40 now. She inherited his values, and loves working hard. She has teenagers of her own. Joe is treading dangerously close to great-grand-parenthood.
Now look at the picture again.
Around 1990 Joe decided to give up the bike business. He switched from doing what he was good at to doing what he loved. He went to cooking school.
It was a long slog, but it would not be unfair to call him an unknown baking legend. Everywhere he has worked reviewers have raved over his bread, his pastries, his desserts, never knowing whom they were really cheering.
For the last several years he has been at Picnic, a shop on Bissonnet Street in Houston, near the Museum district, about two miles south of his old shop. He comes in around 2 AM six days a week, works until he's done (around noon), and absolutely loves it.
Everything he makes has his personal stamp, a stamp I first tasted over 30 years ago. He doesn't over-mix. Each ingredient stands on its own. He makes a cheese biscuit with real hunks of cheese, with salt granules you can taste individually, with a little sprinkle of sugar on top. He makes scones with big pieces of fruit inside, sugar-crusted, flaky, tender and incredible. He made a blueberry sorbet I tried recently, in the restaurant that's actually part of the same business. What's it got in it, he asked with a twinkle in his eye. Then he answered, cloves. Cloves with blueberries? You wouldn't think so, but it works well.
He is, in other words, an artist. (He also lost 100 pounds recently on the Atkins diet. He's a baker who never touches his own stuff, an artist who never sees his art, a Beethoven of the oven.)
The woman with the little girl, the lady he eventually married, still the love of his life? She left a successful college professor for this 23 year-old hippie kid. And she chose well. Very well, indeed.
The Redneck
To look at him my niece's husband, Richard Laubach, has nothing in common with Joe Bentley. He's a proud Republican, while Joe's a Democrat. He's a lover of alcohol, but anything stronger is anathema.
When he first met his wife , two decades ago, the family didn't think much of him. He seemed lazy. He seemed to lack ambition.
But Richard Laubach is a saint. He has saved the family he moved into, simply by being himself.
What he is, at heart, is a worker. Richard works hard. Whatever he's doing, he works hard at it. If he's laying tile, he works hard at it. If he's riding a horse he works hard at it. He works hard on fatherhood and works hard on his marriage.
My father-in-law left a cross for each of his children to bear, when he left his body a few years ago. He left money and property, he left love and generosity, he left his own example of hard work and taking care of others. But his legacy included unfinished business, and to each of his children he gave a share of it.
To his eldest, it was a drafty house he'd designed himself, a money pit. To his son it was a ranch in the town he'd grown up in, land that required tending. To my wife it was a lake house and a cousin who loved it but lacked the wherewithal — in all ways — to care for it.
Richard has turned all these burdens into opportunities.
For the eldest he became a handyman. He tiled the basement after it flooded and kept the place from falling down. For the son he took on the land, and believes he can not only make the family's payments on it from cattle sales, but make enough extra money so it will be worthwhile for himself and his two sons. For my wife he is bringing a crew of teenagers up to the lake house, with dumpsters, and will tear that place back to whatever is salvageable, valuable enough (perhaps) to pay for my kids' college.
Richard doesn't think he's doing anyone any favors in any of this. He sees himself getting fair value for money. He will get use of the ranch and the chance to buy in — certainly he and his wife will inherit at least a piece. He's making money, part of his living, from his handyman and clean-up roles.
But it's all a mitzvah (a blessing) and he is a mensch (a real man). His sons are strong and imbued with his sense of responsibility, his habit of hard work. His example makes him the truest heir to my father-in-law I know of.
All because he values hard work, not for what it brings him but for its own sake.
That's the lesson. That's what I learned when it all came out. Don't work hard for the money, or because someone tells you to. Find work you like, and love that work, as I do writing.
That's the real key to success.
Write on!!
Write on!!
Wow, what great stories. Thanks for sharing those. I’m 48 and I see much of what you’ve found at 55. The older I get the more I want to share and help others. I live in a small college town (Rolla, Missouri) where students from all around the world arrive to study science and engineering. A year after moving here, I saw an opportunity to help by making the move easier for students and professors.
Since most are coming from India, China, Africa, and even Korea, I offer to help them move in (and out) cheaply. But I go further by providing an easy to read sheet of local info which includes phone numbers and URLs on where to eat, shop, get internet access setup, what utilities they’ll need along with where the offices are and how much the deposits will be; Driver’s License office; best local transportation options (scooters!); what to expect of the weather throughout the year; nearby cities; a local map; and whom to call when something unexpected happens (electricity goes out, a plumber, social service offices, etc.)
I don’t make any real money off it, but I gain wondrous interaction with people around the world I’d never have an opportunity to meet otherwise. And when they go home, they know that their first encounter with Americans was a positive one. The experience is worth far more than money.
Wow, what great stories. Thanks for sharing those. I’m 48 and I see much of what you’ve found at 55. The older I get the more I want to share and help others. I live in a small college town (Rolla, Missouri) where students from all around the world arrive to study science and engineering. A year after moving here, I saw an opportunity to help by making the move easier for students and professors.
Since most are coming from India, China, Africa, and even Korea, I offer to help them move in (and out) cheaply. But I go further by providing an easy to read sheet of local info which includes phone numbers and URLs on where to eat, shop, get internet access setup, what utilities they’ll need along with where the offices are and how much the deposits will be; Driver’s License office; best local transportation options (scooters!); what to expect of the weather throughout the year; nearby cities; a local map; and whom to call when something unexpected happens (electricity goes out, a plumber, social service offices, etc.)
I don’t make any real money off it, but I gain wondrous interaction with people around the world I’d never have an opportunity to meet otherwise. And when they go home, they know that their first encounter with Americans was a positive one. The experience is worth far more than money.
Can I make a suggestion?
Ask your newcomers for recipes. Something they really like.
Colllect them. At the end of the year you can publish them on your PC for the next year's newcomers.
Or throw a dinner party, a potluck for newcomers. Have them bring their favorite stuff.
Nothing tells you more about people than food. Nothing gives them more an opportunity to open up about what's important to them. And nothing crosses cultural boundaries so easily.
Just a thought. Keep up the great work.
Dana
Can I make a suggestion?
Ask your newcomers for recipes. Something they really like.
Colllect them. At the end of the year you can publish them on your PC for the next year's newcomers.
Or throw a dinner party, a potluck for newcomers. Have them bring their favorite stuff.
Nothing tells you more about people than food. Nothing gives them more an opportunity to open up about what's important to them. And nothing crosses cultural boundaries so easily.
Just a thought. Keep up the great work.
Dana
Nice article Uncle Dana… the only change I care to make is the one that reflects my husband. Your comment, “When he first met his wife , two decades ago, the family didn’t think much of him. He seemed lazy. He seemed to lack ambition,” that comment could not be farthest from the truth….
We married young, at 18 and 19, six months after we married we purchased our first home, on our own without my families help, where as others within this family have needed help from grandfather to purchase a home. Contrary to many people’s popular belief at that time, I was not pregnant, we did not marry because I was pregnant, we actually loved one another and on April 1, 2010 it will be 19 years of trial and triumph. From day one, grandfather told me that he had a feeling about Richard and that I had done right. Grandfather said, “I recognize a lot of me within him – he is a hard worker and will provide his family well.” For grandfather to say something like that made me feel honored, blessed and loved.
For the first four years of our marriage, Richard was the sole provider for the family. With his income, we bought the house, our first vehicle together and paid off the medical bills – we did not have state / government sponsored medical care. As the boys grew older I became restless and was wanting to seek employment. Richard explained that his mother raised eight children, with his father being the major provider. Introvert I never have been so instead of working outside the home I decide to seek and education. For the next four years I attended college, once again with my husband being the sole provider, and obtained my BA. Two years after my BA I returned to school in order to seek the Alternative Teaching Certificate and have been employed teaching ever since (2003). Yet… I recently finished my Masters and starting my PhD in August and once again Richard is supporting me both mentally, physically, emotionally, and monetarily.
Since we married, we may have moved four times, but each was to a better place for raising our children. Each home was better that the one before in terms of worth and security. Each move was difficult, for we always had to make sure we could bring the entire family…. Two boys, four horses, three mules, three dogs, and one cat. Remember, I did not truly begin a career that would earn any substantial amount that would enable a contribution to the household till 2003 – twelve years after we married. Richard has always allowed the boys their own animals, whether it be a goat, dog, or horse. In fact, the mules are used to pull an old wagon that has wooden wheels for trail rides.
My husband, Richard, learned from a young age that life could be cruel or you could make it better, it was simply left in your hands by God, for you to decide. Richard, along with his brothers, four of them, and his sisters, three of them, learned at a young age that work had its rewards. As young children milking the cows or goat gave you milk, feeding the animals and helping with the garden equaled fresh meat, eggs and wonderful fresh veggies. Therefore, in many ways Richard grew up similar to grandfather, your father-in-law, that could be why since the beginning of my marriage they had a special bond that no one could break. It could also, explain why grandfather told me that if I did not want Richard he would take him… for he was someone he could share ideas with, enjoy spending time with, someone who he loved, cherished, and respected. Richard also has never, never ever put his cowboy hat on backwards!!
Your Niece, Richards wife… it is a good thing Richard does not use the internet much!!
Nice article Uncle Dana… the only change I care to make is the one that reflects my husband. Your comment, “When he first met his wife , two decades ago, the family didn’t think much of him. He seemed lazy. He seemed to lack ambition,” that comment could not be farthest from the truth….
We married young, at 18 and 19, six months after we married we purchased our first home, on our own without my families help, where as others within this family have needed help from grandfather to purchase a home. Contrary to many people’s popular belief at that time, I was not pregnant, we did not marry because I was pregnant, we actually loved one another and on April 1, 2010 it will be 19 years of trial and triumph. From day one, grandfather told me that he had a feeling about Richard and that I had done right. Grandfather said, “I recognize a lot of me within him – he is a hard worker and will provide his family well.” For grandfather to say something like that made me feel honored, blessed and loved.
For the first four years of our marriage, Richard was the sole provider for the family. With his income, we bought the house, our first vehicle together and paid off the medical bills – we did not have state / government sponsored medical care. As the boys grew older I became restless and was wanting to seek employment. Richard explained that his mother raised eight children, with his father being the major provider. Introvert I never have been so instead of working outside the home I decide to seek and education. For the next four years I attended college, once again with my husband being the sole provider, and obtained my BA. Two years after my BA I returned to school in order to seek the Alternative Teaching Certificate and have been employed teaching ever since (2003). Yet… I recently finished my Masters and starting my PhD in August and once again Richard is supporting me both mentally, physically, emotionally, and monetarily.
Since we married, we may have moved four times, but each was to a better place for raising our children. Each home was better that the one before in terms of worth and security. Each move was difficult, for we always had to make sure we could bring the entire family…. Two boys, four horses, three mules, three dogs, and one cat. Remember, I did not truly begin a career that would earn any substantial amount that would enable a contribution to the household till 2003 – twelve years after we married. Richard has always allowed the boys their own animals, whether it be a goat, dog, or horse. In fact, the mules are used to pull an old wagon that has wooden wheels for trail rides.
My husband, Richard, learned from a young age that life could be cruel or you could make it better, it was simply left in your hands by God, for you to decide. Richard, along with his brothers, four of them, and his sisters, three of them, learned at a young age that work had its rewards. As young children milking the cows or goat gave you milk, feeding the animals and helping with the garden equaled fresh meat, eggs and wonderful fresh veggies. Therefore, in many ways Richard grew up similar to grandfather, your father-in-law, that could be why since the beginning of my marriage they had a special bond that no one could break. It could also, explain why grandfather told me that if I did not want Richard he would take him… for he was someone he could share ideas with, enjoy spending time with, someone who he loved, cherished, and respected. Richard also has never, never ever put his cowboy hat on backwards!!
Your Niece, Richards wife… it is a good thing Richard does not use the internet much!!
This is truly inspiring, Dana, and well written as usual. I’ve just turned 40 and am doing some reckoning. Glad I followed you here from ZDNet today 🙂
This is truly inspiring, Dana, and well written as usual. I’ve just turned 40 and am doing some reckoning. Glad I followed you here from ZDNet today 🙂
The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office offers a prognosis: “Under the president’s budget, debt held by the public would grow from $7.5 trillion (53 percent of GDP) at the end of 2009 to $20.3 trillion (90 percent of GDP) at the end of 2020.” Interest payments would quadruple.
Great – those liberals. Irresponsible as ever.
The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office offers a prognosis: “Under the president’s budget, debt held by the public would grow from $7.5 trillion (53 percent of GDP) at the end of 2009 to $20.3 trillion (90 percent of GDP) at the end of 2020.” Interest payments would quadruple.
Great – those liberals. Irresponsible as ever.
It's well past time for both parties to grow up on this.
You reject tax increases. Therefore the deficit will go up. That CBO projection is that extending the Bush tax cuts would have added $3 trillion to the figure you cite.
Eventually we are going to pay for your war. And the past cost of those tax cuts. Taxes have to go up, and spending has to be frozen. The wars have to end.
But what do I hear from your side except "more tax cuts!" A tax rate of zero does not yield infinite revenue, sparky. And whenever you're asked to specifically describe what spending you'd cut or eliminate, you either get crickets or ridiculous notions like eliminating Social Security.
The President is concerned about deficits, and is moving to address the issue. But you can't hope to start addressing it until you have economic growth again, and rising employment.
Which should happen this summer.
Blaming "liberal spending" for the deficit is a dodge. Actually it's more than a dodge. It's a lie, a falsehood. It was the tax cuts and the wars that exploded the deficit. President Clinton left President Bush with a surplus, a rising one.
Nearly all the TARP money will be repaid. It didn't add to the deficit. The only reason we have positive growth is because of the stimulus.
You seem to be waiting for Herbert Hoover to ride to the rescue. But you own Hoover, just as you own Bush, and no Democrat should ever, ever let you forget or ignore that.
Dana
It's well past time for both parties to grow up on this.
You reject tax increases. Therefore the deficit will go up. That CBO projection is that extending the Bush tax cuts would have added $3 trillion to the figure you cite.
Eventually we are going to pay for your war. And the past cost of those tax cuts. Taxes have to go up, and spending has to be frozen. The wars have to end.
But what do I hear from your side except "more tax cuts!" A tax rate of zero does not yield infinite revenue, sparky. And whenever you're asked to specifically describe what spending you'd cut or eliminate, you either get crickets or ridiculous notions like eliminating Social Security.
The President is concerned about deficits, and is moving to address the issue. But you can't hope to start addressing it until you have economic growth again, and rising employment.
Which should happen this summer.
Blaming "liberal spending" for the deficit is a dodge. Actually it's more than a dodge. It's a lie, a falsehood. It was the tax cuts and the wars that exploded the deficit. President Clinton left President Bush with a surplus, a rising one.
Nearly all the TARP money will be repaid. It didn't add to the deficit. The only reason we have positive growth is because of the stimulus.
You seem to be waiting for Herbert Hoover to ride to the rescue. But you own Hoover, just as you own Bush, and no Democrat should ever, ever let you forget or ignore that.
Dana
“You reject tax increases. Therefore the deficit will go up.”
Note to Dana: Deficits arise first and foremost by way of overspending. And that’s exactly what’s happening.
Oh – and blaming Bush is soooo 2008. Get over it.
“You reject tax increases. Therefore the deficit will go up.”
Note to Dana: Deficits arise first and foremost by way of overspending. And that’s exactly what’s happening.
Oh – and blaming Bush is soooo 2008. Get over it.
The cheekiness if you hippie kids never ceases to amaze me.
I know you'd like to pretend Bush is "so 2008" but you will wear him today, and tomorrow, and for every other tomorrow for the rest of your life. That's the way history works, kid. You don't get to make up the rules. You don't get to make up your own facts.
The deficit was built and the economy wrecked under George W. Bush, who inherited prosperity and a large surplus. The deficit is a problem with three parts — we undo the damage of the tax cuts, we pay for your stupid war, and we get the economy back on its feet with the stimulus and growth.
Jobs were up 162,000 in just one month. We're going to cut the Great Depression we inherited from you people in half, in terms of time, and in half, in terms of impact. But we also have to make sure you idiots never, ever get another sniff of power. Because, as Bush proved, you're looney.
The cheekiness if you hippie kids never ceases to amaze me.
I know you'd like to pretend Bush is "so 2008" but you will wear him today, and tomorrow, and for every other tomorrow for the rest of your life. That's the way history works, kid. You don't get to make up the rules. You don't get to make up your own facts.
The deficit was built and the economy wrecked under George W. Bush, who inherited prosperity and a large surplus. The deficit is a problem with three parts — we undo the damage of the tax cuts, we pay for your stupid war, and we get the economy back on its feet with the stimulus and growth.
Jobs were up 162,000 in just one month. We're going to cut the Great Depression we inherited from you people in half, in terms of time, and in half, in terms of impact. But we also have to make sure you idiots never, ever get another sniff of power. Because, as Bush proved, you're looney.
And there you go again, Dana, using insults instead of just letting the facts sink in. Tsk tsk tsk…
Ok try this: Give your kid an allowance of $10 per week. Then encourage him to buy that ATV or SUV with financing. Then in a few months time, when he comes to you to help him with his monthly payments, try the line “it’s all Bush’s fault – he cut your taxes”.
Wake up Mr anger. You can’t spend more than you have – not for long at least.
Liberals should start to work for their money rather than stealing (oops: taxing) others for their ideologies. You apparently won’t learn. The American people will do that however. November comes along… 🙂
And there you go again, Dana, using insults instead of just letting the facts sink in. Tsk tsk tsk…
Ok try this: Give your kid an allowance of $10 per week. Then encourage him to buy that ATV or SUV with financing. Then in a few months time, when he comes to you to help him with his monthly payments, try the line “it’s all Bush’s fault – he cut your taxes”.
Wake up Mr anger. You can’t spend more than you have – not for long at least.
Liberals should start to work for their money rather than stealing (oops: taxing) others for their ideologies. You apparently won’t learn. The American people will do that however. November comes along… 🙂